


you were waiting for me

by ToMarsAndBeyond3



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, I'm here to take names and ruin lives, M/M, No comfort because we dont play that here, Uhhh this is a thing, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 20:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19708657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToMarsAndBeyond3/pseuds/ToMarsAndBeyond3
Summary: Crowley was alone and betrayed, and there was no one left to help him.





	you were waiting for me

**Author's Note:**

> Uuuuuh so this needs explaining. This is the backstory for my Crowley in an RP group I'm in and I don't feel like sharing the details so to cut it short: Four crowley's are put in one place and Aziraphale has to find out which one is his own.
> 
> Mine is not.
> 
> So this is his backstory. I've never written anything for good omens but I do enjoy angst, so I hope you do too!
> 
> Also, this is meant to be read in God's voice.

Losing your memory is a particularly nasty thing, and on a usual occasion it involves a complicated spell and quite a lot of pulled teeth. This isn’t one of those times; everyone involved has the right amount of teeth and absolutely no witchcraft was directly involved, except for a particularly determined with named Anathema, but she isn’t very present throughout the events that unfolded.

Crowley can currently be found laying on Aziraphale’s bed, half past drunk. He’s hit rock bottom, and the angel doesn’t know what to do.

Crowley is suffering from the effects of PTSD. You do not always need the memories to feel the effects of trauma, and in this case, that is exactly what is happening. Crowley wasn’t made here. This universe wasn’t always his. His own universe is very far away, impossible to get to, and he may never know how he got here in the first place. I do of course, but then again, I know most of everything.

It started, if you want to be technical about it, a little over six thousand years ago. Raphael was standing, watching the Garden and trying to sort through the thoughts in his mind.

He was watching Adam.

Raphael was in trouble. He had been hanging around some people he never have ought to, but this was by design. He was curious, skeptical about the Plan that I had for Adam, and so he had gone to seek the opinion of rebellious ex-angels out of innocent curiosity and concern. He never should have done it. The first to find out about it all was Gabriel, who then passed it on to Michael, who passed it on to Uriel. Why did they do this? For the most part, the answer is because they aren’t very good with emotions.

And as Raphael looked down on Adam, his head turned, and he saw the angel guarding the Garden.

This angel’s name was Aziraphale, and Raphael fell in love.

This love wouldn’t be short lived, but Raphael’s own time was falling short.

As he looked on, he was ambushed, and a fight ensued. I won’t spare you the details, that’s Crowley’s business and he wouldn’t like it if other people knew exactly how he had been hurt, but I will tell you that it was a beating that was mixed with betrayal.

And then he fell.

He was burning, on fire. His whole body was engulfed in flames and the screaming… Adam heard it, looking up from where he was sitting by his little stream. And Raphael fell, his name was wiped from the minds that belonged to Heaven, it was taken from him, even.

He fell into the muck and the grime of Hell, crawling, gasping, charred.

Crawly was born right then, in the dirt.

I’m sure you know the rest of the story. Crawly, also known as Crowley, falls in love once again with Aziraphale, trying to cast his past from his mind. The antichrist is born, the apocalypse is averted… it’s a happy, heartwarming story.

Except for the part where Aziraphale dies.

They never did switch faces on time, and when Aziraphale is taken, he is never heard from again. Crowley gets away, of course, only because Beelzebub underestimated the demon’s ability to slip and slither away from danger. And for the next decade, Crowley searches, he looks for his angel while he is hunted down.

Hell has betrayed him. Heaven has betrayed him twice over. Crowley is alone.

The last thing he sees before I took him and brought him here? It was Gabriel, telling him what he did to Aziraphale. It was Gabriel, someone he once called his brother they were so close, recounting how he killed his best friend, his…

“He’s dead, Raphael,” Gabriel said. The name was only used in mocking. “That’s how you belong, too.”

Crowley closed his eyes. He was beaten down, exhausted, and there was nothing in the world worth living for.

Losing your memory is a nasty thing, and in Crowley’s case, he won’t be very excited when I give it back.


End file.
